CareGiver Guy Needs A Hug

Support groups no longer provide me with the type of communication and interaction that I need as a caregiver. I need interaction between caregivers because they are the only ones that truly understand what it is like to be caregiver. I need a support group that allows the "moderator" to ask a simple question " Is there anything I can do for you?" I need to interact with my fellow caregivers online and in person. Sometimes, I just need a hug and for someone to say it's going to be OK. I would like to create an online community of caregivers who will interact, voice their frustrations, ask for support and sometimes just get together in a group and just give each other a hug. If you're interested email me at caregiverguy@gmail.com. I am located in the San Francisco Greater Bay Area.

The Twilight Zone's for CareGivers

The Twilight Zone was one of my favorite show. Every episode was opened by the master writer Rod Sterling. I feel trapped inside one of his shows. I'm the middle age son taking care of his 86-year old mother. I want to be a good son but after 6 six years of taking care of someone who doesn't even know who you are. I am the one changing from the good son to that evil son that appears at the end of the Twilight Zone. I feel the physical violence in me and that's why I have locked myself in the computer room. I need to voice my concerns and anger into words. My blog is my only voice to the outside world. It is my only salvation.

I Feel Very Frustrated and Angry

Tonight has been very difficult for me. She's been walking to the kitchen window and back to the living room windows for almost one hour. I've tried every trick and diversion to get her to just sit down. I could hear her breathing hard and there is nothing I can do. I'm trying my best to get her into her nightly routine of brushing her teeth, washing her face and getting her dressed which generally takes almost two hours. Tonight will be a three-hour routine. She is just so stubborn tonight. I had to just walk away and yell at the top of my lungs. It’s true that most caregivers will probably die before their love ones. Tonight has been one of those nights when I just don’t have the will power and patience to continue this 5-year journey. God, please help me.

How Can We Help Our Nation's Caregivers?

The Parade Magazine issue in our Sunday Paper September 9, 2007 had a great article by Gail Sheehy, How Can We Help Our Nation's Caregivers?

AARP Scholarship Program for Women Caregivers

Here is an announcement from AARP about their Scholarship Program... for caregiving women over 40 years of age.The AARP Foundation has announced a new scholarship program for low-income women 40+ to participate in education and training opportunities. Two of the eligible categories are: Women returning tothe workforce after an extended absence (such as caregiving) and grandmothers or other relatives caring for relative children whodepend upon them financially. Approximately 100 scholarships ranging from $500 to $5,000 are expected to be awarded in the firstround. The process opens August 31; deadline is October 31, 2007.Detailed information and applications are available on-line atwww.aarp.org/womensscholarship. For additional information regarding the scholarship program contact:AARP Foundation Women's Scholarship Program c/o Scholarship Program Administrators, Inc.P.O. Box 23737 Nashville TN 37202-3737Fax (615) 320-3151www.aarp.org/womensscholarship (Access Key: AFWSP)

Why is AARP Limiting Their Caregiver Scholarships to Women Only?

As Caregiver Guy, I have to ask AARP why are they limiting their Caregiver scholarships to women only. I met a guy at a coffee shop in Orinda, California and we found that we had something in common. We were both caregivers. He's been taken care of his father by himself for almost five years until his father's recent death. As a 54-year old former salesman, he's having great difficulty finding a job in today's market and taken care of his father's medical bills.

I do understand that the majority of caregivers are women and perhaps their needs are greater but why are they limiting the program to women?

Caregiver Guy
caregiverguy@gmail.com

AARP Response to Scholarship Question

CareGivers Nationwide,

I would like to thank all the CareGivers nationwide, Women and Men, for their responses and support of my question to the AARP's Scholarship program. I would also like to thank AARP for their response and understanding. It is my hope that the entire FAMILY share the Emotional, Physical and Financial demands of Day-to-Day CAREGIVING SUPPORT of our love ones.

Here's AARP's response:

"Thank you for your interest in the AARP Foundation Women’s Scholarship Fund. It is a new program that just launched last month. The foundation is dedicated to enhancing the quality of life for all as we age. We lead positive social change and deliver value to those 50 and older with emphasis on those at social and economic risk. Women are 75 percent of the elderly poor and our goal with this new scholarship is to help secure the future of as many women as we can. While the scholarship is primarily for women, gender is one factor in consideration, as is age. Those 40+ who are women meet two of the established criteria for the scholarship. Other criteria include: those raising grandchildren or another family members’ children, those who have been out of the workforce for a long period and those who are in dead-end jobs. All of the criteria will be considered in awarding the scholarships. If you feel that you meet several of the criteria, please feel free to apply. Additionally, please check out the AARP Foundation’s Public Benefits Outreach programs at http://www.aarp.org/money/lowincomehelp/quicklink/ for more information about programs to assist caregivers, as well as benefits that are aimed at helping people like you. We hope that you will find our programs useful.

Deborah Briceland-Betts National Director, Women's Programs

Thank you AARP and Deborah

CareGiver Guy, Email; caregiverguy@gmail.com

When You're Smiling....

It's time to do something different. I needed to smile more. Every time I looked at my mom I smiled. She smiled back at me everytime and last night was a good night for both of us. It's true "When you're smiling, when you're smiling the whole world smiles at you," at least last night it worked.

What do you do when you lose your patience?

Tonight was a tough night for me. Mom was cleaning the kitchen and wiping the dishes. I couldn't make her stop cleaning. I could hear her chest breathing very hard and she just refused to stop. I fear that she will fall down or even have a heart attack. I yelled at her. I cursed at her. I just picked her up and placed her in her bed. I picked her up three more times and she just got more stubborn. Mom was stubborn before her dementia but now she is even worse. I've been taking care of mom in the evenings by myself for almost six years. I am tired. This is not my mom and I am not me. I have no relatives or immediate family to help me out. My daughters are off to college. I do have three caregivers given me relief during my work hours but I've lost it. I just went outside and yelled at the top of my lungs. Do you have any suggestions?

CareGiver Guy: Public Bathrooms for Mom

How do female caregivers handle taking their father, husband or client to a public multi-stall restroom in a shopping center? I made this sign that I hook up on the door knob that states Warning “Male Caregiver with 86-old Mom Inside” I know almost every single room female clean restroom in the San Francisco/Oakland area. Any suggestions for CareGiver Guy?

My Mom Has Super Vision

Do people with dementia have supervision? My mom can see a lint on the floor from across the room and try to pick it up. The problem is my mom has a history of falling down and hurting herself. I've tried to stop her cleaning activities by deverting her attentions to a family photo album or by bringing out her favorite board game or maybe her favorite movie. It doesn't work. She gets so focused on cleaning the carpet in the living room or in the bedroom that her asthma perks up. YES, I vaccum the carpet three times a week. Do you have any suggestions?

Sometimes I Could Just Scream...

The evening times are difficult for me. I've been taking care of mom (with dementia) since 2002. It takes two hours for her to brush her teeth and wash her face. She will walk around the house or look outside the window or try to organize the kitchen. She sees people or animals in the window which is why I have closed and seal the curtains with tape. She still sees the "people or animals" through the windows. At first, I would tell her that there are no "people or animals" in the windows but she would get mad at me. Now I will shoo the "people or animals" away and she's happy. Have you seen Bill Murray's movie Groundhog Day? That's been my life for 5 years.

A Typical Morning for CareGiver Guy

My alarm clock wakes me up at 4:45 Monday thru Friday but it's been a difficult night. Mom woke up 4 to 5 times last night to go to the bathroom. She can still walk to the bathroom with the help of her "walker"; if she remembers to use her walker. She gets real "Independent" on me and her CareGivers and just refuses to use her "walker." I have place labels on her "walker" to "Always Use Your Walker".

Every morning, I set the table with her oatmeal breakfast, juice and her medication. Her caregiver comes in Monday thru Friday at 7AM. Mom woke up early this morning and we get into this discussion on Why She Needs a Caregiver? She's complaining that she doesn't need a caregiver. Thank God the CareGiver finally arrives at 7AM. I had to tell the CareGiver that mom is hiding her purse in the second bedroom closet. I'm still looking for her watch, the kitchen spoons. and my keys.